Thursday, June 4, 2009

[49] HOW-TO BOOKS 「ハウツー本」

                   HOW-TO BOOKS

  Tomoko believed in how-to books because she gained everything she wanted by faithfully following the methods written in them.
  “How to Win a Good Husband” was a great help for her to get married to her wonderful husband. When she was pregnant, she read “How to Teach Your Unborn Child.” She bought CDs of Mozart, Bach, and Vivaldi and let her “baby” listen to the music for thirty minutes every afternoon. Thanks to her efforts, she was gifted with a wonderful baby, who at the age of two began to show his outstanding talent not only in music and art but also in intelligence.
  When her son, Taro, turned three, Tomoko read “How to Develop Your Child’s English Ability,” and flooded him with English sounds so that he might become a fluent speaker of English. The English CDs included nursery rhymes, “Romeo and Juliet,” and “I Have a Dream.” Marvelously enough, one year later he began to recite in Queen's English: “Wherefore art thou Romeo?  Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, Deny thy father and refuse thy name….”
  Amazed at the effect, Tomoko bought various how-to books such as “10 Ways to Make Your Skin Beautiful,” “20 Ways to Relieve Your Stress,” “30 Ways to Spend Gorgeous Holidays,” “40 Ways to Travel Real Cheap,” “50 Secret Ways to Clean Your House,” and “100 Surprisingly Effective Ways to Brush Your Teeth.”
  One afternoon Taro hurried back home from the kindergarten happily. His teacher had praised him for his talent in painting. He wanted to tell the good news to his mother. He opened the front door and said in a cheerful voice, “Tadaima, I’m home!” and rushed to his mother, who was absorbed in reading yet another how-to book.
  Taro said, “Mom, Mom, today my teacher said to me, ‘Taro-kun, your picture is….’ Mom, are you listening to me? Are you? Mom? Today, in my kindergarten….”
  “Be quiet, Taro. Don’t interrupt me. I am reading a book,” she chided him without even looking at him.
  She was reading “How to Best Communicate with Your Child.”

a recommended book especially for Tomoko: 
“How to Be Happy without Reading How-to Books”
 
                      ハウツー本

 智子の愛読書はハウツー本だ。なぜかって、ハウツー本に書いてある方法を実行すれば、どんなものでも手に入るからだ。
 今の良き夫と結婚できたのも「素敵な男と結婚する方法」を読んだおかげだ。妊娠してからは「胎児教育の方法」を読み、モーツアルト、バッハ、ヴィバルディのCDを買い、毎日午後三十分間その音楽を胎児に聞かせた。そのおかげで、素晴らしい赤ん坊が生まれ、二歳で音楽、芸術のみならず知能面でも抜群の才能を発揮しだした。
 息子の太郎が三歳になると、智子は「お子様の英語力を伸ばす方法」を読み、太郎の英語がペラペラになるよう英語のCDを洪水のように聞かせた。聞かせたCDは「マザーグース」「ロメオとジュリエット」「私には夢がある」などだった。驚いたことに一年後に効果が表れ、ジュリエットの名セリフ「どうしてあなたはロミオなの? 私を想うなら、あなたのお父さまを捨てて、お名前を名乗らないでくださいな……」を朗々とクイーンズ・イングリッシュで言えるようになった。
 これに気を良くした智子はありとあらゆるハウツー本を読みだした。主なものは「美肌になるスキンケアの10の方法」「ストレスをためない20の方法」「極上の休日を過ごす30の方法」「激安旅行40の方法」「掃除裏技40の方法」アッと驚く効果的な歯磨き100の方法」などであった。
 ある日、太郎が幼稚園からうれしそうに帰ってきた。先生に「太郎君は絵がとても上手だね」と、ほめられたのだ。太郎はこのことを早くお母さんに言いたかった。玄関を開け、「だだいま!」と元気に言って、お母さんのところに走った。智子は夢中でハウツー本を読んでいた。
 「ママ、ママ、今日、幼稚園でね、先生がね、僕の絵を見てね、太郎君は絵がとても…、ママ! ママったら! 聞いてんの? 僕、今日ね、幼稚園でね…」
 「うるさいわね。ママ、本読んでるの。邪魔しないでちょうだい」智子は太郎の顔も見ないで言った。
 智子が読んでいた本は「子供と上手にコミュニケーションをとる方法」だった。

智子さんへの推薦書
「ハウツー本 捨てて幸せ 得る方法