T君へ BUT NOT HOW TO LIVE

　何をどのように書いていいのかわからない。こんな悲しいことはない。君が自ら命を絶つなんて。君の素直な心、笑顔、明るい声、大きな目がまぶたに浮かぶ。君と話していることがどんなに愉快だったか。そんな力を君は持っていた。６年間ずっと。
教師の仕事の限界を感じた。私は失格教師だ。教え子が卒業してからも困ったことを相談できるような教師ではなかった。英語をバッチリ教えればそれでいいのではなかったのだ。
死を選ぶしかなかった君、そんな君を想像できない。一体なぜ、どうして。あの快活な君が。ただ、ただ残念としか言い様がない。
そこから見ていてくれ、君の明るさを糧にして、君の分まで生きていくよ。

BUT NOT HOW TO LIVE

my ex-student K-kun committed suicide
at the age of 22
nothing is more shocking
an honest, cheerful, friendly boy
you were 13 years old when I first met you
I still remember your cute bright eyes
I was your homeroom teacher for three years
I taught you English for six years

you had failed in finding a job
you had been rejected and rejected and rejected
exposed to interviewers’ nasty questions
how unlucky you had to find a job in such a recession
but I can’t believe you were so weak

you did not telephone me when you faced the difficulties
probably you did not even think of calling me
If only I had known you had been depressed
If only you had had called me

now I have realized the true role of a teacher
a good teacher is the one whom his ex-students will call
when they faced harsh reality
I was a failure
I am sorry, K-kun
I taught you how to use English
but not how to live