[72] 「７番目の男」 の誤訳 INCORRECT TRANSLATION OF "THE SEVENTH MAN"

　「７番目の男」
　
　“昨日iTuneで村上春樹の「７番目の男」の英語版を聞きました。今日は運良くその翻訳テキストがインターネット上で見つかり、プリントアウトしました。翻訳はクリストファー・アリソンさんによるものです。日本語版も読みたくて、図書館で借りてきました。
　日本語と翻訳を比較していて、誤訳が多いのに気がつきました。翻訳者の日本語力が足らないのです。日本語ができないのによくもまあ英語に訳せるものだ。例えば、「４０年以上故郷の町に戻らずに……」をI’m over 40 years old and I’d never been back to my hometown（私の年は４０歳を過ぎていて、故郷に帰ったことがありません）と訳してあるのです。これはひどい。アリソンさんにメールを送ろうとしましたが、インターネットには同名のサイトが一杯ありました。
　誤訳を公開するのは失礼かもしれませんが、今後アリソンさんが翻訳を続けようとなさるなら、正確に訳して欲しいものです。ですから公開することにしました。アリソンさんがこのブログを見てくれるといいですがねぇ。
　（私訳を載せました。拙い訳ではありますが、誤訳ではありません）

　　Yesterday, I happened to listen to an iTune podcast English story, “The Seventh Man” written by Haruki Murakami. Luckily today, I found the translation text on the Internet and printed it out. It was translated by Christopher Allison. Also, I went to a library and borrowed the original Japanese story.
　　As I was studying how the Japanese was translated into English, I found quite a few incorrect translations. I was surprised the translator’s lack of Japanese ability. How dare he translate Japanese into English with such a poor ability of Japanese? For example, one of his translations is: “I’m over 40 years old and I’d never been back to my hometown,” but the correct translation should be: “I’ve never been back to my hometown for more than 40 years.” This is unbelievable. (See the collection of incorrect translations below.) I wanted to send e-mail to him but I failed to find his mail address; there are too many Christopher Allisons on the Internet.
　　I know it would be rude to publish the bad translations here but since I want him to be more careful in his further translation of Japanese novels, I decided to make his wrong translations public. I hope he will have a chance to access this blog.　
　　I have added my own translation. I know it is not perfect, but it is free from incorrect translation.

　　　誤訳一覧　Collection of Incorrect Translations

みんなに一目置かれていた
WRONG TRANSLATION（誤訳）: Anybody can see right away
MY TRANSLATION（拙訳）: Everybody gave me due respect

授業について行くのがやっと
W: going to class was troublesome for him
M: He had a hard time catching up with others at school

強風による被害が大きく
W: there was a lot of danger from strong wind
M: The strong wind caused a lot of casualties

どこからか鳥の鳴く声が聞こえてきます
W: You couldn’t hear a single sound; not even the crow of distant birds.
M: You couldn’t hear a single sound, but the crow of distant birds was heard.

地上を思いっきりなぎ払ったような光景
W: The sight looked like a giant hand…calmly wiped across the surface of the earth.
M: The sight looked like a giant hand…wiped out with full blast the surface of the earth

いやにがらんとして見えました
W: It looks unbearably empty
M: It looked quite empty

波打ち際
W: When the waves struck
M: on the edge of the surf

あたりの様子をうかがいながら
W: keeping my eye on the sky
M: looking around carefully

白い砂浜が私達の目の前に見渡す限り広がっています
W: The white sand beach was getting wider as we watched
M: The white sand beach expanded as far as I could see

１０センチ
W: 8 inches
M: 3 inches

肉食獣が草原のどこかで息を潜めてみたいです
W: the wind lurked somewhere in the fields
M: holding its breath somewhere in the fields

すぐに何かに夢中になって
W: As if in a dream
M: easily devoted himself in things

かがみ込んで
W: He just stood there
M: He just stooped there

地の果てで誰かが思いっきり絨毯を引っ張ったみたいに見えた
W: It looked as if someone had stretched a giant wool carpet at the extreme edge of the land
M: It looked as if someone at a far corner of the earth had pulled a giant wool carpet

平泳ぎでのんびりと沖合で泳いでいます
W: I swim across the flat water far out to the sea
M: I swim breast stroke leisurely offshore

４０年以上故郷の町に戻らず
W: I’m over 40 years old and I’d never been back to my hometown
M: I’ve never been back to my hometown for more than 40 years

湖
W: tide
M: lake

恐らく両親が
W: I think K’s parents had given
M: I think my parents had given

懐かしい気になる
W: with a feeling of longing and remorse
M: with a sweet sense of deja vu

体の中にしみ込む
W: they permeated quietly into the center of my body.
M: they permeated my body quietly.

商店が立ち並び
W: The area … was now crowded with merchants
M: The area … was now crowded with stores

ずっと前からそこはもう私の町ではなくなっていた
W: It had been so long since this town had been my own
M: This town had not been my own for many years

私の中で朽ち果てた家のように
W: like my old desiccated house being demolished
M: like a decayed house in my mind

息づかいさえ聞こえなかった
W: There wasn’t a sound in the room except for the faint whisper of breathing
M: There wasn’t a sound in the room, not even the faint whisper of breathing

私達の人生で真実怖いのは
W: the true fear for us as human being is….
M: the true fear for us in our lives is….

[71] かしましおばさん DROWNING OUT

　　かしましおばさん

喫茶店で
本を読んでたら
中年おばさん４人組
話に夢中
キャー、キャー　アハハ
ギャー、ギャー、ガハハ
騒音公害だ
何で逮捕しないんか
亭主の悪口、嫁の悪口、
隣人のうわさ、いない人のうわさ

やれ、助かった、やっと出てくぞ
これで平和だ

読書再開
耳をつんざく音楽
店中に鳴り響いてる
おばさんのおしゃべりで
音楽が聞こえんかったのか

　　　DRWONING OUT

coffee shop
I am reading a book
four middle-aged women
talking, talking, and talking
too loud and too much laugher
public nuisance
"Why don’t they arrest them?"
complaints about husbands and neighbors and
daughters-in-law and other absentees

"Thank god, they are leaving
at last peace will prevail"

I resumed reading;
I heard loud music
resonating through the shop
their noise had drowned out music